Is it true that misery loves company?
Just look at the trends.
Divorce lawyers say business is down. Online dating sites are experiencing double-digit growth.
So in this troubling economy, it appears love really does conquer all, right?
Not exactly.
Struggling couples are staying together for love and money while singles are looking for romance and half the rent.
“I’ve had clients joke about how they need a double-income household,” Lisa Purdum, a matchmaker for It’s Just Lunch in San Diego, said.
While the number of divorce filings has been steady during the past couple of years, local divorce attorneys are seeing slower business. According to the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, 37 percent of its members said they typically see a decrease divorce cases during national economic downturns.
Steven Bishop, a San Diego divorce attorney for more than 30 years, said he gets lots of calls for his services but fewer callbacks when they hear his fees.
This downturn, he said, is different from other recent recessions in that a quick rebound is not in sight.
“Nobody has any hope that it’s going to get better any time soon,” he said.
The uncertainty causes two distinct reactions in his clients, he said. Some are willing to wait out the downturn in hopes of recouping lost housing equity and other investments. Others simply want to be done.
“It’s like, ‘I might be going down, but I’m not going down with you,’” he said.
David Peters, a marriage and family therapist in Mission Valley, said some of his clients don’t have that option as the housing meltdown has made it impossible for them to move on.
“I have a number of couples who are upside down on their house, and they just can’t get out,” he said. “People are delaying divorce for purely financial reasons.”
Even as the recession complicates some marriages, it’s spurring more singles to seek partners.
“These economic times are a big, stressful factor,” Gian Gonzaga, senior research scientist at www.eharmony.com, an online dating site, said. “It pushes people toward relationships.”
Online dating sites such as www.eharmony.com and www.perfectmatch.com have seen business increase dramatically during the downturn. At www.eharmony.com, registrations from September of last year to January have increased 20 percent from the same period a year ago.
The worse the economic news, the more people seem to seek out love, Gonzaga said. For instance, when the Dow Jones dropped by 100 points or more, www.eharmony.com saw an increase in the number of pages people viewed on its site compared with days when the Dow Jones increased by 100 points or more.
www.perfectmatch.com has found a similar trend. In the fourth quarter, when the Dow Jones plummeted, revenue increased 42 percent from the previous quarter and the number of registrants jumped by 62 percent.
The sites attribute part of the increased interest to the fact that people are staying home to save money and spending more time on their computers. Finding someone online is simply more cost-effective than paying for overpriced drinks at a bar.
Duane Dahl, CEO of www.perfectmatch.com, called relationships and online dating “one of those air-and-water categories that is never going to go away.”
But Shoshana Grossbard, an economics professor at San Diego State, isn’t so sure that all those online daters are looking for marriage. She said marriage typically loses its allure during tough economic times. During the early years of the Great Depression, for instance, the number of marriages dropped from 1,233,000 in 1929 to 982,000 in 1932, a 20 percent decline. So far in San Diego County, marriage numbers have remained strong, however, perhaps buoyed in part by a flurry of gay marriages last year.
Grossbard said a tough economy typically undermines the traditional appeal of a marital partnership, in which women are more responsible for running the house and men are more responsible for providing income.
“More women are going to say, ‘Why do I need this guy? What is he good for?’” Grossbard said.
For men, the loss of a job means not only less income but a loss of identity as the provider.
“It can threaten the entire balance,” Peters said.
That was certainly the case for Jeff Brady. The recent transplant to Oceanside said his first relationship in town was doomed because he hadn’t landed a job.
“She had a real attitude about it,” he said. “It really affected our relationship.”
Now, Brady, 35, who is a musician and works for a tattoo Web site, said he uses free postings on the Web site www.craigslist.com and goes on dates two or three times a week, sticking to inexpensive encounters like a walk on the beach or a meet-up at a coffee shop.
These days his lack of a traditional job is less of a drawback for would-be partners.
“A lot of people are in the same boat,” he said. “They are like, ‘My friend got laid off. My mother got laid off.’ So everyone can relate in some way,” he said.
Scott Stephens, 39, signed up for It’s Just Lunch, a matchmaking service, about a year ago, realizing he needed to get serious about his search for love as the economy worsened.
A sales manager based in Palm Springs, Stephens said he now realizes how important it is to find someone with a college degree and a career.
“I want to have kids, and the only way to do that is with a dual income,” he said.
Grossbard said it is important to remember that many marriages are based on more than love, so when the economy craters, many marriages do as well.
“I believe in love, but we have to accept that the economic expectations will continue to be the basis of a lot of relationships,” she said.
Jennine Estes, a marriage and family therapist in San Diego, is not convinced. Her clients are attempting to fix relationship problems exacerbated by tight funds because they need each other. She points to research that shows how a loved one’s touch can help calm a person down.
