It's a month of festivities.
Work parties. Tree trimmings. Family gatherings.
They begin in early December and continue until the stroke of midnight Jan. 1, when the ball drops and everyone grabs their special someone for the first kiss of the year.
At least that's the way it looks on TV. But for single folks who have no plans to smooch their way into 2010, the season of joy can be anything but.
“Being single in the holidays can be just absolutely dreadful,” said Kelly Howard, owner and founder of singles and outdoor organizations.
For many singletons, navigating the party gantlet can be tricky. It can be especially difficult to know when it is acceptable to bring a date and when it's not.
There are some general guidelines.
First, know your party. As a rule, work parties that encourage spouse attendance are a perfect time to bring a backup, also known as a date, said Howard, who owns Eight Friends Out, a dining club for singles.
Also, know your date. If you don't know for sure that your date and your boss will interact safely, the office holiday party is not the time to experiment.
With friends, ask if that Hanukkah party, for example, is good time to bring a date, Howard said. However, going “plus one” could have a downside.
“It probably adds a little bit of pressure on the relationship to immediately start bringing people to holiday parties,” Howard said.
That goes double for family get-togethers, said Hope Nordmeyer, a singles and life coach in private practice.
Family and holidays can be loving and fun. But there is always some sort of hiccup, whether it's a rude aunt, bossy older sister or a living room wall of scary school photos from the 1980s.
“Make up your own mind about a person before you let the family in for a vote,” Nordmeyer said.
The real issue about dates and parties is not the dates and the parties, said Nordmeyer, who teaches Leisure Learning Unlimited classes for singles. It's you. And how you feel about being single.
Plenty of people are single, she said. Not having a date to a party doesn't mean you shouldn't go, she said.
“If you walk in by yourself or with a date on your arm, you are still the same person,” Nordmeyer said.
That will work for some people. But if the party season makes you too uncomfortable, here's an idea: Skip it.
“If you choose to not do the parties, there are other things you can do,” Howard said. “Even just go to the gym.”
But PJ Osgood from It's Just Lunch, a dating service, said the holidays can be a good time to meet new people, if you avoid putting too much pressure on yourself or others.
“People are more conscious of their own dating status,” she said. “By being aware of it, they want to do something about it, and they are receptive to meeting new people.”
~ The Houston Chronicle
