Relationships should be so simple. You meet someone, you fall in love. If all goes well, you live happily ever after. But finding Mr. or Ms. Right is rarely that straightforward.
As author ANDREW TREES reveals in his new book Decoding Love, science and statistics can offer the best help with our quest for romance.
HOW TO GET AN ELIGIBLE MAN TO COME AND TALK TO YOU
You've seen a man you like across a crowded room - how do you get to talk to him? Well, it's probably best not to stroll over and offer to buy him a drink.
'Smile at him broadly': The most effective female technique for drawing a man's attention, according to a flirting study (posed by models)
Studies show that women who are seen as blatantly taking the initiative with men are perceived negatively. Science suggests that success is all about subtle (and usually non-verbal) clues.
Eye contact - especially when combined with a smile - is extremely important. But how much do you need to give?
In a 1985 study, researchers made an attractive woman target a man roughly 10ft away and then see what it took to get him to approach her within 10 minutes.
They tried several variations: eye contact once or several times, either alone or paired with a smile.
Men don't just need encouragement. They need a lot of encouragement. Multiple times and in multiple ways. Even making eye contact multiple times, if that signal wasn't accompanied by a smile, had only a modest success rate of less than 20 per cent.
To be highly successful, a woman needed to make eye contact multiple times and accompany that eye contact with a smile.
When she did this, 60 per cent of the men eventually approached her and struck up a conversation.
'Smile at him broadly' was by far the most effective female technique for drawing a man's attention in a flirting study by psychologist Monica Moore, with 'throw him a short, darting glance' and 'dance alone to music' tying for a distant second place.
For women who worry they are not attractive enough to succeed in those circumstances, there is even more good news.
The number of signals you send counts far more than how you look. According to Moore, the women who were approached the most often were not those who were the most attractive but those who signalled most frequently - women who sent out more than 35 signals an hour averaged more than four approaches an hour.
Smiling and glancing at men 35 times an hour is a lot of signal sending, particularly for the shy among us, but we never promised the mating dance was easy.
HAVE I SEEN YOU SOMEWHERE BEFORE?
They say familiarity breeds contempt, but that's simply not the case where dating is concerned.
Before you say there are no eligible men in your life, take a good look at your male friends and see if any of them strike your fancy.
Familiarity breeds contentment: Many relationships can develop from friendships, as the characters Ross and Rachel and Monica and Chandler found in the TV show Friends
Men are twice as sexually attracted to female friends as women are to male friends.
To make a favourable impression on a stranger, try to bump into him as often as possible.
READ MY LIPS
Wearing lipstick may increase your chance of romance. Men's first impression of a woman's attractiveness has been shown to be much higher when she wears lipstick.
HOW TO RUIN A DINNER DATE
I wouldn't be doing my job if I didn't provide you with a list of turn-offs as well as turn-ons.
A dating service called 'It's Just Lunch' did a survey of its members' biggest pet hates, and they provide a useful overview of things to avoid when you're out for a lunch or dinner date with a potential partner...
- 46 per cent listed taking a phone call during a meal as a big turn-off.
- 41 per cent mentioned being rude to restaurant staff as a real no-no.
- 26 per cent of men and 37 per cent of women complained about dates who talked too much about themselves.
- 30 per cent were turned off if dates talked about their exes.
- 45 per cent of men objected to women who talked about their weight or their newest diet.
Ensure a second date: Don't talk too much about yourself (posed by models)
ADDICTED TO LOVE?
There is a great deal of scientific evidence that being in love does strange things to the brain.
According to MRI scans, infatuated love activates the same brain circuits as obsession, mania and intoxication.
One study found that the areas of the brain activated by the notorious 'feelgood' drug cocaine were the same ones that became active when lovers were shown photographs of their partners.
People in love have high levels of PEA, a natural amphetamine found in chocolate.
It may be what helps fuel the sudden ability to go without sleep if up all night with your lover.
When people talk about the pain of a broken heart, they are being more literal than you might think. Rejection activates the same brain circuits as physical pain.
In fact, being in love rewires the brain. One of the chemicals released when we are in love is oxytocin. It appears to melt old neural connections so that changes in the brain can take place.
This makes it easier to replace feelings of love for an old amour with ones for a new partner.
~Daily Mail
