These days, over 50 is far from over the hill when it comes to dating and there are plenty of Irish women looking for love in their autumn years. Johanna Gohmann reports.
But, one wonders, what is the dating experience for the over 50s really like?
"Well, would you like the abbreviated version? It's a bloody nightmare," laughs 62-year-old Mary Merne. Mary has been divorced since 1975, and aside from a few long-term relationships, she's spent most of her adult life single. She's been online dating for about seven years now, at AnotherFriend.com.
"It's just a minefield," she says. "Most of the guys you meet over 50... well, their get up and go has got up and gone a long time ago. And the guys under 50 don't want a woman over 60."
Mary also finds herself at odds with the cultural shift toward casual sex. "Back when I was younger, it used to be you'd just kiss and hold hands. But the men I meet now want to embrace the rules of today's teenagers and get laid on the first date. But I'm old-fashioned enough to think 'no, I want to know somebody before I go to bed with them'. I respect my body more than that. But I've been on first dates where the men have been up for it. And I'm thinking, 'Hang on, I just met you a few minutes ago'."
Yet, for all of her cynicism about dating, she has no plans to throw in the towel. "I'm a hopeless romantic, and I won't give up until I don the wooden overcoat," she says. "In the meantime, I'm not miserable that I don't have someone in my life. It would just be a nice little extra, wouldn't it?"
For Catherine, she also finds it difficult to meet people who don't shy away after learning her age. "Time is not on my side," she says. "There are just much fewer men in the pot for me to choose from at this point. One of the major difficulties for us in our 60s is that on the face of it, without physically knowing you, people know you only as a number. Anyone looking at my age says, 'Oh forget it'. They think I'm a granny."
Lest anyone think women are the only victims of ageism, think again. Men feel it too. "As you get older, you go out of fashion," says Ray, a Dubliner in his late 60s. Ray also feels he is unjustly seen as merely a number. "A number means nothing. There are people who are 40 and seem dead. And then there are people who are 60 and older, and are really exciting people to be with."
Married for 35 years, Ray was divorced four years ago. He took a couple of years to see if he liked being on his own, but decided to plunge back into the dating pool. "I've got no problem being alone," he says. "I can be very happy. But I've come to the conclusion that you can't enjoy things on your own as much as you can with another person."
He had no interest in the online dating world, as he found it to be too impersonal, so he decided to try the matchmaking service It's Just Lunch, which pairs people up according to their interests, so that they can meet for a casual meal or drinks. So far he likes the service, and has even had a brief relationship spring from it.
~ Irish Independent
