Getting to your first date
The good news for doctors who expect to work weekends and get paged at 3 a.m. at some point in the near future is that life does get easier, says Parrott. Translation: You’ll have more opportunities to meet someone and go on dates, even if you’re no longer treated to med-school mixers. Melissa Brown, president of national dating service It’s Just Lunch, which counts a growing number of doctors in its client base, suggests committing to at least a few hours a week for dating whether you’re just starting your residency or are an established doctor. Nightingale recalls a recent experience, where a physician client of hers, based in Baltimore, canceled several Friday night dates in a row. “It was just a nightmare, and the fellow I was trying to set her up with said ‘She cancelled on me twice already, I don’t know if this is going to work out,’” says Nightingale. “That’s where I have to call the doctor and say, ‘Do you have the time to invest in dating?’ We finally had them meet on a Tuesday night, and they really hit it off with one another.” When you finally do score a date, whether through a friend, matchmaking service, or chance encounter in a hospital parking lot at 4 a.m., try to lay out some ground rules. “If you know your schedule ahead of time, you should be able to say, ‘Hey, there’s an 80 percent chance I’ll be available but there’s a 20 percent chance I’ll have to reschedule,’” says Sarah Kawasaki, a Baltimore based, 35-year-old internal medicine resident who had to do just that while dating her husband. Another idea: If you’re going on a dinner date, pick restaurants close to your practice or hospital. “I think location would definitely help make more time,” says Brown. “If you don’t have to travel half an hour or 45 minutes to get to your date, you can definitely spend half an hour or 45 minutes at your date.” And if you can’t find a free night for dinner, consider embracing nontraditional first dates, like breakfast at a diner or an afternoon workout. “I’ve had dates in the hospital cafeteria,” says Christophersen. “It’s not ideal, but it’s something.”
Rules while on the date
Okay, so you’ve scored a date. Hooray! But before you yank off the stethoscope and head out the door, you’ll need to keep a few things in mind:
Clean up before you go out. Because you work long hours, chances are you’ll go straight from work to a dinner date. That’s why it’s important to bring grooming supplies to work. Nightingale suggests keeping a clean pair of slacks or skirt at your practice, and bringing anything else that spruces up your look (such as cologne, makeup, or a curling iron). “Even though you’ve had a long shift, wear something nice, and don’t come into the date looking haggard,” says Nightingale. “Look fresh and alive, and not like you’ve been on a 14-hour shift.”
Practice common courtesy. If possible, try to get to know your date without distraction. That means cutting communications with your practice as much as possible, even if only for three hours. “Turn off your cell phone, turn off your pager, and focus on the person you are meeting with,” says Brown.
Drop the medical jargon. Do you like hanging out with people who talk about themselves all the time? As engrossing as your career is, your date won’t be too pleased if you talk excessively about your job and how hard, stressful, and fascinating it is. Warning: If you’re dating another doctor, this can be hard to do. To make their time together (and away from the hospital) more meaningful while they were dating, Kawasaki says she and her doctor husband made sure “we had time spent not talking about med school, and that we had vacations.” Movie dates helped. If one date doesn’t lead to long-term romance, you should try to schedule time each week specifically for dating and enhancing your personal life, says Brown. “The biggest tip is to remember to have fun and to have balance in your life.” And know that, most likely, you’ll meet someone special. “Relax, you’re a doctor,” says Kawasaki. “People are going to want to date you.”
~Physicians Practice
