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Big Dating Surprise: Men are More Interested in Relationships Than Women

New Survey Reveals First Date Gender Roles are Beginning to Reverse

When specialty dating service It's Just Lunch asked 5000 singles, "When you are on a first date, what thought is going through your head?" they received an unexpected result: Not only did men and women have different top answers, but the first choice given by 47% of men, "Could we have a relationship together?" was one that in the past would have seemed more typical of women. Instead, women's top answer, given by 50% of those polled, was the less stressful "Do I want to see him again?" "We're seeing that men and women are becoming more alike in their dating habits," says Irene LaCota, spokesperson for It's Just Lunch. "And in some areas, they're beginning to trade places."

The question was part of research conducted at www.ItsJustLunch.com , for a new emagazine the dating company developed in honor of its 20th anniversary.

Another area where men and women are becoming more alike, especially over the last seven years, is in how fast they decide on a first date whether or not they want to see someone again. In 2004, there was a huge disparity, where 79% of men took fifteen minutes or less--and 64% of women took an hour or more! In 2011, 60% of men and 55% of women take twenty minutes or less.

LaCota, finds these results interesting, but not surprising. "Especially in today's society, we're so used to both demanding and getting instant information, that we've become a bit impatient and closed off, sometimes to our own detriment," she said.

~ Market Watch

Relationships by the Numbers

From first-date deal breakers to how long it takes to get ready for a night out, see how America courts the opposite sex.

Source: It's Just Lunch survey.


MOST ATTRACTIVE FEATURE OF OPPOSITE SEX
52% — Smile
37% — Eyes
  6% — Backside
  5% — Hair
 

AUTOMATIC TURN-OFF
31% — Bad teeth
29% — Smoking
27% — Someone that is overweight
11% — Someone that still lives at home with their parents
  2% — Someone who doesn't make a lot of  money

 

MOST IMPORTANT THING TO NOTE
39% — How they treat the wait staff or other people around us
38% — Did they ask me questions about myself?
16% — How much effort they put into their appearance
  6% — If my date offers to pay
  1% — How much my date tips the wait staff

 

HOW YOU SHOW CONFIDENCE
30% — The way you hold yourself
29% — Making eye contact with them
21% — Keeping up your appearance and dress
18% — The way you speak
  2% — Telling them

 

HOW LONG TO WAIT TO SCHEDULE SECOND DATE
39% — Within 48 hours
35% — Within 24 hours
13% — Within 72 hours
  9% — Right after the date
  4% — A week

 

MOST IMPORTANT CHARACTER TRAIT
34% — Kindness
19% — Intelligence
14% — Confidence
  6% — Ambition
  2% — Humor


HOW YOU ASK YOUR DATE OUT
65% — A phone call
23% — Ask them straight out on the first date 
  8% — An Email
  3% — A text message
  1% — Instant Messenger


FIRST DATE DEAL BREAKERS
46% — No common interests
19% — Too much alcohol
18% — Bad breath
12% — Answering the cell phone at the table
  5% — Tardiness


GETTING READY FOR A FIRST DATE USUALLY TAKES:
42% — 1 hour
27% — 45 minutes
21% — 30 minutes
  8% — 2 hours
  2% — 15 minutes


BEST DATE NIGHT
32% — Thursday
22% — Friday
21% — Wednesday
17% — Saturday
  8% — Tuesday

~Parade 
View article here

Dating Guide for the Always On Call

Getting to your first date

The good news for doctors who expect to work weekends and get paged at 3 a.m. at some point in the near future is that life does get easier, says Parrott. Translation: You’ll have more opportunities to meet someone and go on dates, even if you’re no longer treated to med-school mixers. Melissa Brown, president of national dating service It’s Just Lunch, which counts a growing number of doctors in its client base, suggests committing to at least a few hours a week for dating whether you’re just starting your residency or are an established doctor. Nightingale recalls a recent experience, where a physician client of hers, based in Baltimore, canceled several Friday night dates in a row. “It was just a nightmare, and the fellow I was trying to set her up with said ‘She cancelled on me twice already, I don’t know if this is going to work out,’” says Nightingale. “That’s where I have to call the doctor and say, ‘Do you have the time to invest in dating?’ We finally had them meet on a Tuesday night, and they really hit it off with one another.” When you finally do score a date, whether through a friend, matchmaking service, or chance encounter in a hospital parking lot at 4 a.m., try to lay out some ground rules. “If you know your schedule ahead of time, you should be able to say, ‘Hey, there’s an 80 percent chance I’ll be available but there’s a 20 percent chance I’ll have to reschedule,’” says Sarah Kawasaki, a Baltimore based, 35-year-old internal medicine resident who had to do just that while dating her husband. Another idea: If you’re going on a dinner date, pick restaurants close to your practice or hospital. “I think location would definitely help make more time,” says Brown. “If you don’t have to travel half an hour or 45 minutes to get to your date, you can definitely spend half an hour or 45 minutes at your date.” And if you can’t find a free night for dinner, consider embracing nontraditional first dates, like breakfast at a diner or an afternoon workout. “I’ve had dates in the hospital cafeteria,” says Christophersen. “It’s not ideal, but it’s something.”

Rules while on the date

Okay, so you’ve scored a date. Hooray! But before you yank off the stethoscope and head out the door, you’ll need to keep a few things in mind:

Clean up before you go out. Because you work long hours, chances are you’ll go straight from work to a dinner date. That’s why it’s important to bring grooming supplies to work. Nightingale suggests keeping a clean pair of slacks or skirt at your practice, and bringing anything else that spruces up your look (such as cologne, makeup, or a curling iron). “Even though you’ve had a long shift, wear something nice, and don’t come into the date looking haggard,” says Nightingale. “Look fresh and alive, and not like you’ve been on a 14-hour shift.”

Practice common courtesy. If possible, try to get to know your date without distraction. That means cutting communications with your practice as much as possible, even if only for three hours. “Turn off your cell phone, turn off your pager, and focus on the person you are meeting with,” says Brown.

Drop the medical jargon. Do you like hanging out with people who talk about themselves all the time? As engrossing as your career is, your date won’t be too pleased  if you talk excessively about your job and how hard, stressful, and fascinating it is. Warning: If you’re dating another doctor, this can be hard to do. To make their time together (and away from the hospital) more meaningful while they were dating, Kawasaki says she and her doctor husband made sure “we had time spent not talking about med school, and that we had vacations.” Movie dates helped. If one date doesn’t lead to long-term romance, you should try to schedule time each week specifically for dating and enhancing your personal life, says Brown. “The biggest tip is to remember to have fun and to have balance in your life.” And know that, most likely, you’ll meet someone special. “Relax, you’re a doctor,” says Kawasaki. “People are going to want to date you.”

~Physicians Practice

Men don't hate Valentine's Day, they fear it

Do men hate Valentine's Day? No, they are just afraid of it, according to a new study by It's Just Lunch, a dating service.

Polling 4400 North Americans about their priorities, 42 percent of males said finding a mate was top of list. However, 35 percent said they spend no time looking for one, and a full third of single men intentionally avoid getting into relationships between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day "perhaps because of perceived threats to their egos and wallets".

However, 40% of women surveyed don't expect a Valentine's gift unless in a committed relationship, or three months of dating. And for women dating less than two weeks, 4% expected a Valentine's Day gift.

So, if women say they aren't expecting the world, why are some men worried about delivering it?

It’s Just Lunch spokesperson, Jacquie Brownridge says keep it simple: “"If there's ever a time for men to shed their shyness, Valentine's Day is it. It takes much less than men expect for women to feel appreciated, and every gesture gets bonus points on Valentine's Day. At the very least smile at a woman you've never met before, she'll think cupid's taking aim and may strike up a conversation." 

Here are more findings from the survey: 

• 42 percent of men said finding a compatible match was their No. 1 priority for 2011, compared to 24 percent who ranked career as their top priority. Next came “go out on more dates” (12 percent), health (12 percent) and finances (10 percent).

• A greater number of single women than men spend zero hours per week looking for dates — 46 percent compared to 34 percent.

• Men and women alike believe friends and family are the best means of finding compatible matches, followed by a dating service. Men were more likely to think a bar vs. the gym is better for meeting dates.

• One-fifth of single men would rather look for dates than pursue hobbies in their spare time, vs. 14 percent of women.

• Both men and women are fairly open to going on a date with someone they meet on a social networking site such as Facebook or Twitter (56 percent and 34 percent, respectively); however, only 13 percent of men and 9 percent of women have ever actually done so.

• One-fourth of women always “Google” a date before meeting him for the first time, while 14 percent of men always Google their dates. Women are twice as likely as men to cancel the date without discussion should their Internet sleuthing turn up something odd.

• Forty-one percent of men think it’s too corny to schedule a first date on Valentine’s Day, whereas 62 percent of women said, “Sure, why not?” and would accept a first date on Feb. 14.

• Only 4 percent of women put a box of chocolates on their list of ideal Valentine’s Day gifts. They perceive chocolates as a last-minute gift idea — impersonal and not particularly thoughtful. Flowers, on the other hand, are the ideal gift for over a third of single women.

• Lingerie is another poor choice — only 8 percent of women consider sexy underthings a great Valentine’s Day gift.

~ National Post

Anisa Hassan: If you're single, it's your own fault

The author of a new guide to dating in Asia says desperate singletons are their own biggest barrier to love. But haven’t we heard all this dating advice before?

Is it polite to Google someone? Should you sleep with someone on the first date? How many days should you wait till you ring for a second date? When do you know you're dating exclusively? 

 As the dating game just gets more complicated, the goal remains the same: to find someone to love and be loved by.

"The It's Just Lunch Guide to Dating in Asia," penned by dating agency It's Just Lunch's managing director Anisa Hassan, says it can help you do that.

Updated from the 2004 edition, the new version addresses people dating after divorce, becoming a single parent or losing a spouse and hopes to provide all the answers to your unlucky in love questions.

Here, she talks frankly about dating game and how no amount of self-will will get Leonardo di Caprio to fall in love with you.

CNNGo: Do you think you’re saying anything new?

Anisa Hassan: Yes! The additional chapters are a response to the way dating has evolved in recent years. While the rules of the dating game have not changed, people are going through different experiences. Addressing these new concerns makes the book current and relevant.

CNNGo: What do you think is a person’s number one hindrance to dating successfully?

Hassan: Mindset. When one’s mind is fixed on an outcome, the dating process becomes too serious and time driven. We’ve know the phrase “you can’t hurry love,” yet that’s what most people do because they are too intent on getting to the destination, rather than enjoying the journey.

CNNGo: People say that Singapore is a bad place to be single, especially if you’re over a certain age or fall in certain demographics. Do you think that is true?

Hassan: Dating is tough in any cosmopolitan city where people are working harder and longer. But whether dating is fun or otherwise rests solely on the individual.

CNNGo: Do you believe in the law of positive attraction? It sounds like you advocate it in the book.

Hassan: The book focuses on having a positive, mental attitude that could lead to small successes and a big win eventually. Fixing your attention solely on the prize may even lead you to do nothing because you don’t see the point.

CNNGo: So if I will it hard enough, I can get Leonardo di Caprio to fall for me?

Hassan: You cannot will anyone to fall in love with you if you don’t love or even like yourself very much, to begin with.

CNNGo: What would you say to people who are sick and tired of dating, but who are still looking for the right partner?

Hassan: Dating is a process. If you’re not prepared to feel the pain of a broken heart or the thrill of being loved then you have to be prepared to stay single. 

CNNGo: One thing you don’t write about in this book is sex. How many dates should you go on before you …

Hassan: It’s a personal choice but definitely not on the first date.

CNNGo: You say a few times in the book not to take rejection personally. That’s hard isn’t it? Can people really handle that?

Hassan: It goes back to having a positive attitude and mental toughness. If you view dating as an opportunity to create friendships and expanding social circles, you will expect some dates to work and others not to.

Whatever it is, know that you’ll still be okay.

CNNGo: You write about dating after divorce/widowhood and dating as a single parent. How much do you think Singapore’s societal attitudes towards this have changed?

Hassan: Singapore is experiencing one of its highest divorce rates ever. In any affluent society, marriage and divorce are part of the ebb and flow of life. It happens and it’s okay.

Those who are widowed have the society rooting for them. They’ll be encouraged to look for love and start afresh.

CNNGo: What about long distance dating/relationships. They’re so common now with people relocating and traveling for work. Any advice?

Hassan: Yes, long distance relationships are common, and require commitment from both parties. If both partners commit to putting their relationship above their career, the choices they have to make along the way are clear cut.

CNNGo: Do you believe in love at first sight?

Hassan: You can’t fall in love with someone at first sight because you don’t know them well enough. You may be attracted to someone, but that doesn’t mean you are in love with them.

That is stuff that fairy tales are made of … but this is your life, and it is real.

~ CNN Go

No Dating Challenge -- 'It's Just Lunch'

What should someone do when finding the perfect love match becomes a full-time effort? "FOX 26 Morning Extra" is presenting profiles of several dating services to determine if they are worth the cost.

One dating service has expanded to 100 cities throughout the world. The service's founders consider themselves matchmakers for busy professionals of all ages. After all, if the date doesn't work out, "It's Just Lunch."

The cost for one year of the It's Just Lunch service is $1,900. Some people find a match on their first date, while others go on several dates. Following each date, participants give feedback to the relationship counselors so they can pair members better with someone else.

~ My Fox Houston

Valentine's Day: 7 facts we've learned about romance

What can researchers tell us about the thrills and heartaches of Valentine's Day? More than you might think

Valentine's Day: The modern holiday that unnerves men and leaves women worried about being disappointed — at least according to recent polls and research. Here are seven studies that shed light on some of the pitfalls of Feb. 14, and offer hope to those determined to celebrate:

1. Men don't hate Valentine's Day. They fear it
In a recent survey by dating service It's Just Lunch, one-third of men said they purposely avoid getting in relationships between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day. Why? Fear of "perceived threats to their egos and wallets," suggests It's Just Lunch spokeswoman Jacquie Brownridge.

2. Ladies, men will disappoint you 
What do women want on Valentine's Day? More than 75 percent would love a handwritten love note or poem, according to the Lindt Lindor "Code of Modern Chivalry" report. Sadly, only half of men will oblige, with some trying to pass off somebody else's poem as their own. Meanwhile, more than 20 percent of men will opt for a text-message valentine, and about 10 percent will go with email.

3. Old-fashioned cards are still popular
At least in Great Britain, where 64 percent of Britons say a card or letter is the best way to say "I love you" on Feb. 14, according to Royal Mail. E-cards only got 7 percent of the vote, behind a phone call (8 percent), but ahead of a text message (6 percent), and email or a social-networking posting (5 percent).

4. It's a good day for Viagra
In 2010, more Viagra was prescribed in the week before Feb. 14 than any other week of the year, according to Wolters Kluwer Pharma Solutions. (The "lowest-use" week of the year is Thanksgiving week.) Valentine's Day sex is "kind of like birthday sex or Christmas sex," says Indiana University sex researcher Debby Herbenick, to MSNBC.com. "This is an opportunity that only comes up occasionally and [men] want to be prepared."

5. It's a big day for divorce, too
Divorce filings have spiked about 40 percent around Feb. 14 over the past two years, according to Avvo.com data reported by the New York Post. Some of the timing is due to "Delayed New Year's Resoluters," says L.A.-based divorce lawyer Kelly Chang to the Post, who are "moving forward on their resolution to be single, just a month late." The others, though, are "'Waiting to Exhalers,' who, depending on the actions of their spouses on Valentine's Day, will either reconcile or file for divorce."

6. Lovers will spend, spend, spend
Some 70 million Americans, or a third of consumers, will eat out at a restaurant Monday night, according to the National Restaurant Association. Only Mother's Day is more popular for dining out. The National Retail Federation also expects a banner year, with Americans spending a projected $15.7 billion this Feb. 14, or $116.21 per person, a bump of 11 percent from last year.

7. It's not too late to find a date
If you don't have a date for tonight, don't fret. Brain researcher Stephanie Ortigue and her team at Syracuse University say it's the brain, not the heart, that is responsible for love — and the process is fast. It takes about a fifth of a second to fall in love, she says. There's still plenty of time to find that special someone.

~ The Week

Men more romantic than women

 Except on Valentine's Day

 VANCOUVER (NEWS1130) - Don't judge a man by his behaviour on Valentine's Day.  A new survey suggests men are actually more romantic than they get credit for, even more romantic than women, except on February 14th.

The survey from Vancouver matchmakers It's just Lunch shows romance and finding a mate rank higher than career for men and guys work more at building relationships.  But it also says men are more likely to avoid relationships and dating around Valentine's Day because of all the pressure that comes along with the day.

We found one exasperated romantic man who couldn't agree more.  He says there are too many artificial trappings and expectations.  "Why can't every day be like Valentine's Day?  Only without spending all the money!  The roses, the chocolates, the cards.  She wants jewelry, she wants nice things and all this stuff that goes along, supposedly, with Valentine's."

Bobby Loonie is a balloon artist working his Valentine's magic at Lonsdale Quay.  He says men are certainly not his biggest customers on February 14th.  "No. You know what? It's mostly single girls buying them for themselves.  Sad but true.  They want that Elmo balloon holding the balloon flower bouquet.  It's so sweet, but sad."

Jacquie Brownridge from It's Just Lunch says men shouldn't feel like they need to avoid Valentine's Day, women's expectations are neither high nor mysterious.  "Women do attach significance to Valentine's Day, but that shouldn't strike fear into the hearts of men."

The survey suggests dinner at a nice restaurant as the perfect date on Valentine's Day for 47 per cent of women and 40 per cent would prefer making dinner together at home.

As for gifts, over one-third of ladies consider flowers and a card the best tokens of affection, followed by a spa package (29 per cent) and jewelry (27 per cent).

What to do?

If you're still scrambling to come up with something to do with your sweetie, you're in luck, so the folks at Inside Vancouver have some hints.

How about 'Beer My Valentine' at the Granville Island Brewery?  It pairs beer and chocolate.  There's also dancing and a live band.

You could take in the Sweet Heart Serenade at the Rio Theatre, complete with live music and a showing of The Princess Bride.

If you're looking for a laugh, it's the final day of the month-long run of the 23rd Annual St. Valentine's Day Massacre Comedy Improv at Granville Island.

~ News 1130

Eye on the Bay: Date Night

East Bay, California's Eye on the Bay host Liam pairs with Diablo Magazine to find the best date spots in the bay area and then gets a bit of professional advice from San Francisco’s “Its Just Lunch” dating experts on how to find a date and keep them happy!

The Cost of Love

And how much do men and women actually spend on dating and for Valentine's Day?

Have you ever noticed all of the song lyrics about love and money?

• "No romance without finance …. "
• "My love don't cost a thing …."
• "Only boys who save their pennies make my rainy day …."
• "Can't buy me love …."

Whether you side with Madonna or the Beatles on the issue of love and money, courtship can be costly.

When you imagine your ideal partner, you probably think of general characteristics you find desirable, not the financial implications of starting a new relationship. (So unromantic!) But there are usually a lot of dinners, movie tickets, gifts and flowers involved in the journey from single to happily committed.

To quantify the cost of love, let's look at the typical expenses associated with dating over a one-year period, along with lower-cost ways to woo your sweetheart.

The cost of meeting somebody new

If the thought of paying for a dating service puts you off, Big Think points to a study showing that the time people give to a match depends on how much the dating site costs. Men who paid $50 were willing to commit an average of 49 minutes to the date, while the men who paid nothing for the match were willing to invest only 28 minutes. You're also likely to receive less spam from mildly interested potential matches on paid sites.

It's Just Lunch, a dating service for busy professionals, surveyed 3,968 singles nationwide about how much they spend on dates. It found that 51% of men in the U.S. spend more than $100 a month on dates, and 29% spend more than $150. In bigger cities, those figures are higher. For example, 82% of men in Los Angeles spend more than $150 a month on dates.

Women, on the other hand, spend significantly less. About two-thirds of women spend less than $50 a month. Perhaps it's a sign that the Southern gentleman is still around, but 75% of women in the South spend less than $50 a month on dates.

Going on averages, that's $600 to $1,200 per year spent on dates. But, according to an ING Direct survey, most women aren't expecting a fancy dinner and expensive bottle of wine on the first date. The poll found that on average, men overestimate how much is expected of them.

Flowers and gifts 

What does a more committed relationship cost? Businessweek estimates that flowers cost the average single $110 per year. Then there are holidays, such as Valentine's Day. (After all, you probably don't want to launch into a tirade about how Valentine's Day is a materialistic Hallmark holiday when you've only been dating someone a few months.) The average person shelled out $103 on Valentine's Day merchandise in 2010, according to the National Retail Federation.

Assuming the average single spends about that much on birthday and Christmas gifts as well, we'll estimate total gifts and flowers at $419 per year.

So, what's the grand total for one year of dating, from matchmaking to flowers? It's $1,529 to $2,129, depending on your gender, it would seem. But then, as New Wave rock quartet the Knack sang, "You can't put a price on love.

~ MSN Money